Wednesday, March 01, 2006

why i stopped reading magazines

pottery barn, crate and barrel and restoration hardware are going to the shredder- browsing the pages only brings on questioning and despair

why doesn't my house look like that? (although i often find the palettes a little bland or itless- i long for that organization- it's pure marketing genius-- prey upon the mothers insatiable desire for order)

why i must avoid them...
1. i am too cheap to spend that much for every item in my house and i don't like to be reminded of that
2. anything with too much cream or white means you= professional laundress
3. you know those are staged rooms no family with kids has a room that looks like that - so they try to trick you into thinking your house will look like that if you buy their stuff but it is a lie and dirty trick!!
4. they remind me my towels are not soft and plush, my sheets are not silky, and my coffee table does have enough 50$ hardbound coffee table books
5. they make me think i should have that- not true! i should have a orderly home-- but at the same one that loves and celebrate kids.
6. i really don't like taupe and beige that much- and those slicky pages try to convince me that i don't but but i am a true color gal and all forays into "neutrals" leave me with buyers remorse

the things they have which i don't...
only artfully displayed bowls of fruit (who uses that many apples??- no spots on the bananas), jugs of fresh lemonade with mint sprigs (yeah like i'll pay 2.50 for 1 sprig to float in my jug) the "bulliten board" covered with artsy postcards, photos (always in b&w of people doing rich people things- sailing, houses in the hamptons, serious cocktail parties), fabric swatches, bizarre european ticket stubs, and sketches. there is always a container and home for ever item, every paper. nothing is in its original packaging- nope must be transfered to some glass, chrome or basket container-even laundry soap. each container of course costs as much as i am willing to spend on my dining room curtains.

Farewell catalogues- you will not drag me down today

okay maybe one peak before pitching.

feel free to add what you learn when you look at catalogues...


ShelahBooksIt said...

I love looking at the "to do" lists on the desks and organizers in the pottery barn catalog. They always look like this:

- pick up dry cleaning
- RSVP to the Williamses
- buy champagne
- order bulbs
- volunteer at art guild
- lobster @ fish market

whereas mine looks like this:

- clean toilets
- pick up playroom again (sigh)
- buy another pack of diapers
- order more cheap pregnancy tests
- teach the dreaded preschool coop
- fish sticks @ Target

Lei said...

ROFL, Shelah! I love the catalogs only for fresh new ideas... which I can almost always convert into a cheap alternative... changing one little thing in my home every month or so does wonders for me...

lackrik said...

I can so relate! I hold on to pages from my PB catalogs thinking some day I might have a room that looks like it!

And.....rotfl Shelah!

Rachelle said...

Parenting magazines are the worst. Showing all these expensive gadgets that you "must have" if you want your baby to be normal and develop properly. I throw em out!

Linsey said...

ROFL Shelah!!!

It is actually one of my missioons in life to find pages out of those magazines that I love and copy them for CHEAP. SO far you can find good copycats. It is so fun. I love when people say "I love your chairs are they pottery barn?" I LOVE to think (I never tell) "Nope, they aren't and I didnt pay 600 bucks for it, I paid 100 and you cant even tell!"

emlouisa said...

This is too perfect. I just finished my PB Catalog and was totally depressed. Then came on here and you wrote this. Totally hilarious! I should stop reading them too!

Lee said...

I look at them and think.. man I am so not a decorator. I don't have the energy to decorate, my kids would break it all.

The Constant Gardener said...

I actually stole that basket of apples idea...LOVE IT. A bag of green apples is cheaper than fresh flowers, lasts longer, and looks perty! It's my $4/month decoration that is actually in style.

bon said...

to heck with Pottery Barn! I just like to go visit Say La Vee! Ooooooo, that woman can accessorize!