Truth is stranger than fiction...

So here's the scoop
1.I was once trailed as a suspected target of Libyan terrorists.
true- I was living in Turkey at the time (mid 80s when the US did airstrikes in Libya) I was approached by a man after getting off the bus one day. I was watched by OSI for a while. The same month my parents were also at a wedding when Libyan terrorists showed up with hand grenades. We had to check our cars daily for bombs, etc.
2. I was filmed for a Stop and Shop Commerical.
true- one day while stocking up on apple juice
3. I was a Latin scrabble champion.
true- and i also can make a mean toga out of bed sheets- you should know i am a total nerd!
4. I made the police blotter at BYU.
false- i am risk averse and if i ever got caught by the police for something i'd cry ...but i had many friends who made police beat
5. I play lacrosse mainly because i like sports with skirts.
true- i really like lacrosse but seriously sports with skirts rock (i think it's a genetic thing- my mom played tennis, field hockey, and lacrosse)

Dreaming in blog

Yes- it's official I had my first dream in blog format last night...And no I do not take illicit drugs! I was trying to somehow put my baby in a rectangle in the sidebar (yes I was thinking of using the space literally like a crib-- I know this sounds far fatched but he was up alot last night and I didn't know what to do with him-- leave it to the creative sleeping mind to find a solution), I was thwarted in my attempts to edit the HTML so I was consulting friends, all other characters in my dream were their blogs-- and I have to say a dream of MOFstras (sorry I can't remember everyone exactly who was there or I would issue awards for MOST DREAM WORTHY BLOGS but I remember templates- dots dark, minima ochre, and those more distinctive typepad templates)- we conversed through comment sections--

Sadly my dream was cut short by my waking child who evidently did not stay in the sidebar.

So i am left to consult the great Sigmund action figure to explore the inner recesses of my troubled mind because I know interpretation of Dreams has no section on symbolism of dreaming in blog!

true true true false

in case you haven't had a chance to take multiple choice test lately here you go-- which 4 are T and 1 in F?

1.I was once trailed as a suspected target of Libyan terrorists.

2. I was filmed for a Stop and Shop Commerical.

3. I was a Latin scrabble champion.

4. I made the police blotter at BYU.

5. I play lacrosse mainly because i like sports with skirts.

let the games begin

Torino has no spectacle quite like our house at the moment after 4 years of freedom we once again have a crawler. yes as of last week, we are in full destructo crawler mode. At first, he could only go backwards which was relatively safe- but last week we master forward progression. advancing and clearing every low bookshelf is cleared in 30 seconds, overturning trashcans with reckless abdandon, sucking phone chargers (do you think they give a charge when plugged in?), crumpling paper, sampling every edible or inedible remnant found in the carpet and 3 near death choking scares (found 1 marble and 2 plastic rocks in his mouth). the last time we were in this stage we were living in a hotel waiting for our house to be finished- so i had little to no stuff and daily vacuuming--so this is a new motherhood challenge for me
the season is officially open-- let the games begin

my funny valentine

valentines day used to mean many things-- heart shaped frosted decorated sugar cookies- so sweet you could taste the love, the shoebox and milk carton mailboxes for grade school valentines, read ever so carefully so as to detect hidden interest in the subtle lines and choice of cards, the carnations and roses delivered with little notes to you during your high school english class, the dream of secret admirers--little glimmers of hope that the guy you secretly had a crush on would profess his love for you only to have the valentines pass by uneventfully, getting all dolled up for a romantic dates with a boyfriend, the excitement of "new love", wishes for some grand exotic, expensive impulsive gesture of true love.

but as the years pass and you long for some of the sweetness and romance of yesterday's valentines day. but somehow you are unable to ever go back- you have learned love is about alot more than cheap cards and chalky conversation heart and gorgeously wrapped foil candies or even grand gestures. you know its about sacrifice and good times and bad. when you'd rather put money in your kids college savings plan than spend it on roses that die in a few days, when love means less time looking glamorous and more time picking up toys, and helping others.

right now tony bennett serenades me while i play with my boys and unload the dishwasher and make creme brulee for my husband and pay the bills and today i know more about love than i ever did.

laundry- in the mind of my 5 yr old- why fold when you can make it into a giant nest?

ode to laundry

laundry is one of the great tasks of the mother world-- i have often wanted to do a fabulous installation sculpture using an entire gallery room of a museum- laundry lines strung at all angles across the room with clothes of all types hanging from all heights and laundry baskets stacked- full of clothes like bricks making walls and mazes throughout-(of course the number of baskets showing the number of loads an average mother folds in her lifetime-so therefore innumerable baskets.

the unartistic often find installations silly-- but there is often a message- a feeling the environment conjures-- I want to evoke a sense of wonder and profound thanks for mothers the world over for the thankless task of laundry and appreciate for the sheer mountains they scale and manage to tame into baskets sorted by size, and type!

(now i just have to finish my laundry, raise my kids, and go back to art school before someone steals my idea!)

to sleep to sleep perchance to dream

yes like all high schoolers i had to read hamlet (and watch the mel gibson movie- to fill 3 hs english periods) and yes memorize the famed solilquoy-- but i will abandon the death metaphor and simply take the literal line to sleep to sleep perchance to dreamevery new mother knows in what it means to be tired- we talk of sleep, we dream of sleep, we rejoice in sleep. There are few things in the world we would take over sleep.don't get me wrong, we do get to sleep- like the one time you sit down to a movie with your husband or that 45 min before you baby wakes up teething, or than 10 minutes in the afternoon when both your kids are asleep, but somehow it only whets the appetitebut to sleep perchance to dream-- that would require sleeping for long enough in one period to reach the dream part of the sleep cycle and that in itself is a dream.

all about the STRETCH

I love things that stretch- I can't tell you when the last time was that i bought pants without that touch of forgiving stretch-- like my fabulous editor pants from express (worth every dollar-get yourself a pair!)--why-- they are just better after all can take the abuse of an early pregnancy body, a post partum body, a "should be back to pre-pregnancy by now but not" body and come out none the worse. STRETCH is also the best part about being a mom-- every day you get a little stretch-- the areas aren't always the same --sometimes it is in good ways, sometimes in ways you'd rather not -- but being a mother never leaves you where you are- it requires you to cover immense spans with patience, with humilty, with courage, and simply with yourself.And as much as I love my pants for covering me in all my less than perfect spots (junk in the trunk (and i mean literal junk) and that less than taut tummy), i love being a mom for helping me overcome my less than perfect self...Stretch- i couldn't live without.

Express

As a mom you learn to do everything fast-like running errands -i hustle to the car because they are always too many places to go and not enough time before child breakdown, nursing, preschool pick-up or store closing (I don't sprint so people think i am a fleeing shoplifter- but defintely don't saunter) I am a walking multitasker (talking on the phone, holding, baby, putting on mascara at the same time) we appreciate TIME in a way others can't understand--as a mom i have shaved my morning "get ready routine down to 15 min"- yet somehow it still doesn't happen many days-- it takes my husband longer than that to get ready. Whenever we get ready at the same time i tell him- go faster- scrub faster, brush faster- such squandering!!

maybe i think if i can get himt o go faster i can steal his minutes??

lame week

anyone else having a total lame-o week-- just slow, cold, depressing, really long days full of unexciting things- like choosing a new trash carrier, renewing DL, taxes, car inspection and registration, school paperwork, new phones, closing accounts, headaches, returns, paintings that just aren't working, grocery store, sorting my desk, vacuuming, scrubbing high chairs...nothing with a speck of glamour or excitement to be found, nothing exotic as far as the eye can see..

BLAH is the definitely the flavor of the week

I love NPR

i have a 15 min drive to and from the son's preschool- yes there and back, there and back-- thats 1 hr in the car 3x a week- now when my son is with me i usually am the good mom and we listen to books on tape from the library- Freddy the Dectective, Stuart Little, Otis Spofford.

but when i am alone or at least with a sleeping baby many a lonely drive is warmed by the kindly tones BBC worldnews, On Point, and Morning Edition. It has a way of hooking you in-- usually-- someones discussion of a recently passed jazz musician, the world TB epidemic, the hamas victory, is the world "happiness quotient" increasing?, great literature on the immigrant experience. There is something appealling in the unknown-- hwat random topic will be discussed today and so for a few brief seconds in every day- the higher level thinking brain regions get activated-- its like mental caffeine- you just need that little fix everday.

So NPR I do love you- despite the fund drives.

things that would make my day but are so unlikely to happen

1. a mysterious package arrives at my door, full of great stuff for me, that i didn't have to buy (yes this has always been a dream of mine-- just out of the blue someone sends you a great package of fun stuff for no reason)

2. my house miraculously develops a self clean function.

3. my husband telling me he could work from home and we could live wherever we want. this happened once already but was sadly short lived-- and i think the likelihood is like lightning striking the same spot twice.

4. winter in new england does not have snow or freezing temps- instead becomes like hawaii...

5. a sonic gets built in my town so i can eat onion rings and limeades to my hearts content (my town has 2 gas stations, no grocery store- highly doubtful)

oh i can dream...what do you wish today?

Biology student of year

Yes, that was me- I got to go up on stage at the school assembly to receive my certificate and award (A small medal that says biology student of the year) Along the way, though I abandoned my love of hard science for a career in "soft science". Truth is I decided I liked people better than microscopes. As I mom though, I get to relive my passions and science glory with my boys. Currently our house is a mini-science museum and i am Science Smart Mama-- hey i can even pin my medal on a lab coat to feel official.
Here is an update on our current experiments...
1-We currently have 30 cactus sprouts in our odd pod cactus garden- complete with "moon rocks" and a cardboard space backdrop.
2-We have parsley, spearmint, and green onions growing in our mini hydroponic greenhouse- although so far parsley is the only thing sprouting (I sent dh for seeds he and ds came home with turnips
3- Forcing paperwhites , which has become our annual tradition (which are gorgeous but really smell funky-- and make me think something in my kitchen is rotting)
4- The classic favorite-- A set of six agar plates "aka bacteria farm" (okay you want to talk funky smell- try boiling up that gelatin culture medium- bleccchhh!) growing various bacteria swabbed from locations around our house (let's just say the toy train is growing far nastier microbes than the kitchen floor)
5- Last but not least the Gel works Ant habitat complete with blue LED illuminator -yes no ordinary ant farm- the nasa designed gel style so you can see all their tunnels (although we have no ants yet) It glows an eerie blue for the neighborhood to see through the playroom window. we always have a ton of ants appear in the spring so i have decided we will catch our own instead of ordering the ones for 4.95 with the "CAUTION:ants bite and sting warning" attached to them.

waiting on deck (north's bedroom closet)-- paint you own "root view" garden and butterfly habitat.

Oh my biology teacher would be so proud--we've got some serious science going on here.

OOC birthday parties...

1960's home movies- cute smiling mom brings out tacky homaemade birthday cake- all are wearing silly party hats, blowing horns, making silly faces. Kids running around yard- playing games, blow out candles... I thought that is what birthdays were--(Or maybe i watched too many rounds of credits for the wonder years)

Yesterday was a birthday party for one of my ds's preschool friends (at least it was on a saturday- unlike the standard sunday party- when you have to crush their spirits as soon as the open the invitation)--As I am learning the rules have changed....
1. homes are no longer acceptable venues-- some place must be rented, permission slips also a must
2. presents-all invites must say no presents-- if you accept presents or at least do not saythey are unnecessary makes you look not greedy (or that somehow you are wealthy enough to meet your childs every toy wish and whim)-instead request x dollar donation to x charitable cause (although i applaud philanthropy- and encourage children finding ways to give- diallowing presents... i find this a little presumptuous as does miss manners and assumes your child is too good for my gift and coerces me to donate or else look cheap) If someone wants to give your child a gift let them (much to my parents chagrin and our joy this is how the first scantily clad barbies entered our house)
3. guest list- must include all neighborhood, school friends, relatives, and anyone else you semi-know, etc. small gatherings not en vogue.
4. food- cake and ice cream are not longer acceptable fare--no longer a homemade cake either- it has no been expanded to include a full meal for all attening pizza, chips, soda, and all other forms of junk-- and everythign must be prepackaged individual packages-- no handful of chips or cup of soda-- only mini cans, mini bags, etc.
5. goodie bags- don't get me started--don't get me started this outrageous trend must be quashed! when i was little we sent our friends home with bags of popcorn decorated with stickers or homemade playdough (yes my parents were into healthy and homemade) now each bag must be filled with pencils, stickers, cars, candy-- the cost of which must equal at least $5-10.

I guess i yearn for the simplicity of yesteryear. i remember sitting at the dining room table with my mom -- planning the guest list, picking invitations, planning the games (like playing fishing pole- where we erected a giant decorated cardboard box in the doorway of the guest bedroom and toss the line over (while the parent on the other side attached a small gift (you've seen pollyanna- you know the game) a tisket a tasket, duck duck goose. Cake- always homemade and decorated will all a mothers love and ice cream (and i got to pick the flavor), dad came in early from work , and the ultimare surprise of what was hidden beneath the glamourous wrapping paper of your presents.

After i will never forget my care bear cake,that salty smell, as i kneaded the hot pink playdough and packaged it into little sandwich baggies to give to my friends. It was a celebration-not of money or extravagance or me and the joy of childhood!

pregnancy tests= scratch off tickets

the thrill of a scratch off card--we've all been there- the one that comes in your cereal box, or publisher's clearinghouse that tempts you with million dollar dreams and Convinces you "YOU MAY ALREADY BE A WINNER". There is a thrill in taking a coin and flaking off that metal covering to see if you have won (But course it always says "sorry, you're not a winner- please try again").

Really thats why those people line up at the customer service desk at my local stop and shop laying down a stream of$5s, $10s- to buy their weekly scratch off and lottery tickets. (I being a non-gambler off course have to hold my toungue from lecturing them on the wasteful expenditure of their money- really one day i almost opened my mouth as the guy in front of me bought 60$ worth- but i was afraid they'd call the police or throw me out of Stop and Shop) I mean how can you throw that money away each week while people are starving and second-- are you too stupid to understand the odds-- you lose-- its how they make money. People still do it though on the chance they might get lucky...

okay end gambling tirade... make connection to pregnancy tests-- for those of us non gamblers pregnancy tests are the best gamblers thrill we get--the "scratch off ticket" of mothers or soon to be mothers the world over--1 minute in the bathroom, little stick... suspense builds as you stare intensely at the line...you wait to see- WINNER or SORRY TRY AGAIN--line or no line--

We want that line and will do anything to increase our odds of "winning"-- it's why we do things like test early (delay of gratifiation not a gamblers skill), buy cheap tests online at 80 cents a pop (Hey i can test 10x for the price of 1- thats 10 thrills for the price of one!), buy more sensitive tests calculate approximate hcg levels for given dpo (anyone who has a relatively good understanding of the reproductive cycle knows you can pretty reliably test before 14dpo)

But like every gambler-- every TTC mother knows you can't stop until you hit the jackpot!
And when you do your life will never be the same...

(For anyone thinking i am ttc- that is a big no-- but as a former master tester- i write in honor of my best friend shelah ttc obsesser extraordinaire!)

Be prepared

yes- i think our religion encourages a sort of hording-- - it all stems from the Year supply/food storage thing-- But somehow it spills over into other things- I'd like to horde money-- but i find that is hard to do so i try other things- like the 6 things of ice cream i have in my freezer at the moment (Hood- Peanut Butter Nation- the worlds best ice cream, Hood Green Monster, Price Chopper Neopolitain, Edy's Grand Light moose tracks, Friendly's Vanilla, Hood Vanilla Bean.) Now this is all possible because i have an extra freezer in my basement- yes to hold some of my food supply- or maybe i take very literally the counsel to have "comfort foods" in times of crisis- Maybe it's not hording but just being prepared-- prepared to have a dinner party or dessert for 40 at the drop of a hat or maybe just prepared to satisfy my every whim and craving without a trip to the grocery store. That would also explain the poly bucket in my basement full of every kind of chocolate, peanut butter etc. chip for cookie baking (around 20 bags). Also the next 2 years of my sons' clothes already lined up and organized in their closets- (all bought at those "ending in .97" prices on Gap clearance) because nothing would be worse for me than having to buy it in season and full price! I hate being unprepared--thats why i got 8 packs of diapers the other day (at 5$ a pack of 48- call me dealmaster!) That also explains why i am a heavy packer, its why i schlepp 3 bags to church on sunday, it is why i keep a lunch box of snacks in the car at all times, A closet full of next years toys and books (i hate shopping with the crowd), a basement full of paints, fabric, and art supplies. That is why my dorm room at BYU had everything in it from glitter to grits! I wonder what deep childhood experience this stems from-- maybe my mother forcing us on "errands"-- which i now try to minimize at all costs!-- but hey call it hording, call it food storage, call it being prepared- it's great so instead i'll just go on eating my 6 cartons of ice cream, dressing my kids in last seasons gap clearance and try to convert others to "being prepared"

mom snow day

okay i live in new england- land of interminable winter and snow-- yes we got 8 feet last year. The only thing that sustains me through the winter is the promise of my husband fully vesting in his 401K and company pension after 7 years- (4.3 down) only a few more to go. This morning around 6 something my son announced on a visit to his slumbering parents that it had snowed. So its down to turn on the TV to see when (if ever it will end) and if schools are closed. Well sure enough our town and surrounding towns are closed but not the preschool town, but after 2 near death car experiences last year- both involving a treacherous hill (once sliding down and completely through an intersection) the other on the way up-- with not enough torque to climb-- what to do--let off the gas or brakes-- and you will rock backwards down through the said intersection but you can't seem to move up-- after 15 min of burning rubber, bargaining prayer, and half a tank of gas- i finally made it the one block up to relative flatness. Anyway both experiences scared me straight for snow driving. So i decided to drs appt for little son today as it was 1 hr in towards boston and no preschool because it was too treacherous- well husband can't get to work because the roads aren't plowed- so he shovels, plays with the boys- enjoys his break from work- meanwhile i am making a chocolate cake for an after funeral gathering, folding 3 loads of laundry, rescheduling everything, and trying to recoup the weeks schedule-- Snow days rock when you are a kid, they rock when you are a dad and get out of work (minus shovelling- if you saw my driveway you'd understand), when you are a mom it means wet foot prints, piles of snow clothes, and house arrest!

So I made the worlds greatest pie...

okay I just have to pat myself on the back here- yesterday I made the worlds best apple pie ever-a culinary masterpiece, a tast bonanza, delectable dessert, a flavor explosion! i could continue my ravings-- I have an overblown aesthetic sense, but let me tell you it was an edible experience as yet unparalleled int he world of pie- I decided to catalogue it here- because as a SAHM-- I will never be in Who's Who or receive major awards for my work aka "mother tasks". So as not to feel unnoticed or appreciated I will toot my own horn- after all that is one fo the great purposes of blogs. I really should have taken a picture of it-to prove it-i guess i could now- even half eaten it's beauty would shine through-- like all those greco-roman scultpures missing limbs you see in museums. I think it rivalled the work of any of the great domestic pie baking women of my great grandma's generation. The crust was perfectly mounded, shiny (yes i even bothered to do the "brush with egg white" step in a moment of supreme dedication to the art of baking), flaky, sparkling with sugar. The insides- macs, grannies, allspice-- the perfect combination. Even my husband remarked - "That is an impressive pie". So i'll take that compliment and mark one up for Smart mama today!

new years resolutions-end of year evolution

I have mixed feelings on resolutions...call me a rebel-- i don't like to follow the crowd- and so i don't always do resolutions-- or at least not by new years day- thats too contrived (after all we should have an ongoing process of renewed resolve!)actually i hate to have my life really structured and resolutions foten feel very confining (like exercise x times per week-- i can feel the anxiety setting in just pondering it!)-- it all started with and interesting read i did in grad school on goal setting (basically a backlash against the feverish covey style "goal mania" of the 90's) it basically said to an extent goal setting can be bad or selfish- or actually makes you think you can control things in your life--when much is out of our control and we don't know what the future will throw at us-- you've got to be flexible-- the number one thing in goal setting as we are all taught is it has to be measurable-- only many great things in life are immeasurable (like love, charity, harmony)- so be careful in all our feeble attempts and mere mortals to direct the universe. Or sometimes even though goals may be good at times we may not reach a goal because other things in our life demand attention at the time...Like this story praising a woman for climbing mt everest-- meanwhile she left her 18 mo old daughter for 6 mo for the climb--that gets me--so reasonable general goals thats me (none of you climb mt everest with a young child or you will feel my wrath!)

that being said- i will claim the national resolution-- get healthier (the justifies for my buying 1 lb of strawberries for 4$ yesterday and well as 2 loaves of ecce panis bread- cause thats got to be healthier right) Or maybe it was prompted by laying on the couch trying to get rid of my headache eating ghiradelli caramel squares as my husband flipped through the weigh in at the biggest loser-- when the women still a little chubby and weighed less then me i sat up and demanded... "Do i look like that??!!" needless to say after that i resisted another caramel square (until this morning that is)

other resolution- get my groove back-- yep clean up, get out of the funk of 4 years of miscarriages, and final ensuing stressful pregnancy- which yielded a great baby boy (now 7 mo!) - it simple things i want--i want to be creative, have time to think, read, enjoy my boys and husband, be a better wife mom, friend, etc.-- oh yeah and shower, brush hair and get dressed everyday!

okay i'll justify a little more--I think though resolutions can be very self defeating-- and of course we must spare ourselves all psychological pain or guilt (or that is the model currently accepted in pop psychology)-- i prefer a rear looking model--Lets call it. End of Year Evolution-- basically look back on your year and compliment yourself for what you did - how you changed and got better- a great time for this is the crafting of the annual braggadocio christmas letter-- trying to backtrack and see if you did anything someone might find novel to read.
So I invite you to join me-- no setting lofty goals which only get trampled under the daily grind- just live each day well- focused on being better and in the end when you look back you'll actually be surprised and pleased.