my latest- ala stream of consciousness

Well yesterday(okay i guess it is now today) was my mad day of getting ready to leave for the beach tomorrow- things like planning and shopping for 24 meals for 10 people (which is huge when you have to remember which spices to bring etc.) I did manage to fit in a fun afternoon of lunch and pool time with my aunt and uncle. I sold two more paintings and will likely have a commission for a third (48x36 big branch one) waiting for me when I get home. I got 2 paintings shipped off for the VBF auction. I am working on another here on vacation and I am supposed to stop into "talk" with 2 galleries while I am in the outer banks about my crab series. I got asked to design a psychosocial project to be presented to med group for funding (yes that will be waiting for me when I return). i got to visit my friend, courtney, in her gorgeous house and she provided me with the perfect paint color for my family room! I went to visit my grandma who is recovering from a fall at a skilled nursing facility. In a few hours, I head out to get my haircut we’ll see if I get brave and do anything drastic (doubtful) I have been hard at work baking and freezing wedding cakes/grooms cakes/frosting for my post vacation wedding/cake& flowers gig (yes that is about 160 servings of a double layer cake). I have been throwing together all the bows for the corsages. Smart son has been picking chokecherries in the pasture to make syrup for sourdough pancakes. He has also become my total math whiz- quickly taking up double and triple digit addition and starting into multiplication?? (yes he is 5) Smart baby was better today- he has been a teething mess, satisfied only by dairy queen ice cream (free for kids under 3). smart daddy-o is arriving home after trip to ireland.
I am now crashing into bed... and yes that will be a literal crash..
I really wanted to blog my favorite thing about Virginia today but that will have to wait– I hope to get one more blog in before I sign off for a week to enjoy a most fabulous vacation on the outer banks, spending my days at the pool, at the beach, catching crabs, lounging in my favorite house, going to the blue point for dinner, and eating yum food. I am not bringing a computer with me, but I will promise pictures when I return.

friendship: don't get me attached unless you are willing to sign a long term commitment

Change is the one constant in life. I have a very love-hate relationship with change. In many ways I crave change and thrive on change. I grew up moving (My dad was an air force JAG and no its not like the tv show- generally very few mysterious crimes- you do get yelled at by generals, but spend more time reviewing contracts and lots of less glamourous legal work) My current home is the longest I have ever lived somewhere- 5 yrs. Not that I don’t love many things about where I am but at about the 3yr point I get an itch. I like to see new places, have a change of scenery, and experience new things.

The downside of change and another constant in my life is being separated from friends- seriously in my life I have a sort of friendship curse. Whenever anyone starts to get to be a really close friend- they move or I move- maybe I drive them away- maybe I am the kind of person only tolerated well in small doses. Either way I am doomed to have a long Christmas card list.

This year I will be losing more of my friends to other places. Sometimes it makes me sad, I don’t take my attachments lightly, I want them to stay, I want to see them every week.

If a genie granted me one wish, I would pick to have my favorite friends close at hand (because I know life has to be hard but with friends you can always get through). Friends you love spending time with- that are as comfortable as your favorite pair of jeans. The kind who are always there when you need them, the kind you can share all your opinions with without reservation, the kind that inspire you, the kind that just seeing them gives you energy, and makes the simplest errands or projects more fun. I always tell smart daddy-o that the reason I am so cursed is because this many great women could not all live in the same place because the world just couldn’t handle it. So many fabulous people in one location would change history, because I have to say I some truly amazing, talented, smart friends (if they would only blog you could see for yourself- although I would seem pallid in comparison and lose you my faithful readers to their more exciting blogs)

So my new rule is I refuse to become friends with anyone unless they sign a minimum 5 -10 year contract.

hollywood- i've got your number

As I am visiting my smart parents, I don’t have my usual responsibilities after my smart boys are in bed. So I get to relax (usually only in 20 minute segments though) and enjoy all that dish network has to offer (that is when I am not making wedding cakes, finishing paintings, planning flowers, or other things). From this cinematic experience, I have gleaned a profound truth...
Almost all love story movies- follow the same basic recipe (and yes I will expose the secret here on the internet)
The movie begins with boy and girl meeting, but some circumstance prevents them from immediately forming a lasting relationship
(Here is where the bulk of the variations come in...bad first impression, misunderstanding, pride, other relationship entanglements, societal pressures, parental disapproval, ugliness, one sided attraction, or the ever common friendship to love)
the movie progresses (usually the couple is thrown together numerous times, often through unfortunate incidents which bond them together, there is the exchange of are longing looks, flirtation, the intentional touches as they pass, etc)
and the movie begins to wrap up with one party doing some grand gesture, or embarrassing act, and making some speech in which they profess their love for the other
(usually to buy 20 minutes the movie does not end here)- the receiving party is holding some offense and ignores the act/speech- only moments later to be overcome by the true sincerity of the act and proceeds to chase after the first person. They eventually kiss and the camera pans around them in circles?? The question I ask is it essential that see them kiss from all angles?? I really don’t get the point of the spinning- I don’t feel like I am spinning when I kiss someone- that is unless I am kissing them on some sort of amusement park ride where I am indeed spinning)
Really I don’t know how they get people pay $9.50 to see all these variations on a theme, especially when they are cheesy, poorly acted, or so implausible (like that movie the lake house- advertised lately- haven’t seen it- but come on people in love in with each other in different time? That’s a big stretch for me)
Maybe I should be a screenwriter...

summertime self- conscious

Summertime is here and that means swimsuits and pools. And I have been lately taking the smart boys for some frolicking in the water at the local club you can’t help but notice the people around you. Our extreme body conscious society makes you question yourself whenever you put on a swimsuit- and there is any discrepancy between a "real" you and a fake sports illustrated swimsuit model. On a scale of 1-10. I don’t know where I would fall, but you know I really don’t care. (smart daddy-o is required by virtue of our marital contract to rate me in the top quartile)
By my genetic ancestral heritage (Danish, Swedish, Scottish, English, Irish) I am fair- I love the way I look with a little summer color but I can by no means attain skin the color of a leather couch. It’s not only impossible, but I also care too much about my children and being alive for the future to attempt such color through natural or paid means (don’t get me started on going tanning- something only for the stupid). I don't look the way i used to but that is okay. My body is great- it does fabulous things, it gave me 2 amazing boys, and the ability to get up each day and do lots of great things. Sure I need to be kinder to it, fuel it better, and work it more. I don’t need things sucked, nipped, tightened, or augmented (although my many plastic surgeon friends have told me they could smooth out all of my trouble spots in a few hours flat) and it doesn’t need needed to be paraded in couple hundred dollar "this season" outfits to make me like it.
Because the truth is we all get old, we all change- we all make sacrifices (my 24" waist to have children- wahhh..) but what you look like in a piece of spandex says nothing about you. So just my reminder during swimsuit season. Remember what your body is good for, remember how lucky you are to have one that works and care less about the sizes and shapes of all your parts and pieces.

it's a bird, its a plane, it's supersmart mama

Okay so I joked in my last post about my superhero alter ego, (and "in the interest of justice", Sabey, I totally needed you to you doctor up superhero photo of ME for this) but then when I thought about it- No joke, i am a superhero- Moms are the ultimate superhero- seriously I perform superhuman feats constantly some of my last few days "woman of steel" moments-

I endured 10.5 hrs straight in the car with my boys and smart nanay as we trekked through 7 states yesterday. (And even managed to pop into my favorite grocery store Ukrops on the way into town, to pick up a rotissere chicken and some fresh asparagus for dinner when we got my parents- oh yah and 2 chocolate donuts for me) This is a feat because smart baby- although I love him dearly is a terrible whiner, not a great traveler. You will remember on my texas excursion I resorted to extreme measure.
I can do anything one handed (a special skill I can attribute to smart baby)- make salad, craft fondant frogs, blog, and much to the amazement of a woman at a new jersey turnpike rest stop who saw me enter a bathroom stall holding a baby (she actually knocked on the stall door and offered assistance- kind soul), go to the bathroom.
I can also last an entire day in my parents unchild- proofed house alone with my kids while waiting for the sears repairman (coming between the slight window of 8-5 who subsequently arrived at 5:25pm), attempting to help find a skilled nursing facility for my grandma, learning how to make gum paste ranunculus, picking up the 13 different types of food that smart baby discarded on the floor, running along side the motorized jeep to prevent smart baby from diving out while smart brother took him on a version of "Mr. Toads Wild Ride" across the front pasture, locking myself outside in the oppressive 90 degree Virginian humidity- and manage not to lose my cool with anyone!
I can maintain a mental library of innumerable objects/things, where last years taxes are filed, how many pounds of wheat are in my basement, what items i need to pick up to have the boys wardrobes all set a year in advance, when the library books are due-- seriously a PDA has nothing on me...

I think maybe i just need a crazy supersmart mama suit that would get me some attention- any budding costume designers out there ready to step up to the task? (oh and please make it superslimming and flattering and in a color i look good in- and something stainproof, and no dry clean of course)

okay funny aside- i had a spiderman figure in our "historical action figure bin"- smart son was very distressed and said he was not a historical action figure, only a "made up movie one" and did not have any place tossed in with jane austen, leonardo da vinci, beethoven and the other greats

Date- bigger than a raisin,smaller than a prune- you put it in fruitcake

Yes that has been the definition of a "date" that has long been the first entry in the smart mama's dictionary (with having smart babies and all). This weekend however we got to pull out definition two- "an evening of fun with a significant other". I am a big believer in date nights because after all it is cheaper than marriage counseling and way more fun.

This weekend with smart nanay around to provide free babysitting smart mama and smart daddy-o got to go out on a date with other couple friends. I was really tempted to bring my camera- so I could capture memorable moments for blogging- (I should have done it!) but then i hmmm show i make my friends sign release waivers? maybe their prominent photo/mention in my blog would bring them fame they just aren't ready to handle- so i left the camera at home (although i did bring my chinatown Chinese food box purse- which can easily hold a phone, keys, money, and skirt- who knew?? And if smart mama was a superhero- she could totally hide her foxy costume in it while maintaining her mild suburban mom facade before sneaking into a mothers lounge to transform into supersmart foxy mama)

Anyway we had a great time hitting a wedding reception, and loading up and riding together, the divulging of little known personal facts and stories, learning about the recent conference on Islam and Space (as discussed in discover magazine- i had never before that night contemplated the issues religion would introduce to space travel) ate yummy Chinese food, and played a rousing round of miniature golf. (Yes sadly smart mama was not el champion grande, and did fall on the green once (I think i was distracted admiring some nice views), but you will be pleased to know i did place a respectable 3rd out of 6- which was quite an accomplishment considering my "just hit it and see what happens approach"- which i thought was fairly standard fair for mini golf (until at one point someone dared to ask, "so what are you aiming for?") i mean forward progression toward to the hole is all i shoot for- i fail to appreciate the nuance of the astroturf slope and danger of the dingy beige shag carpet "sand trap" and therefore formulate no strategy implementing physics principles. (yes i beat smart daddy-o an engineer with a minor in physics- HA!)

anyway if the only date definition you've been up on lately is "bigger than a raisin, smaller than a prune - you put it in fruitcakes"-- its time to dust the cobwebs off definition 2.

weekend update

(yes title continuing the SNL theme)

This just in... When dressing for a theme park- less is not more- here is my advice- when you look in the mirror ready to head out, despite the fact that you feel great about how you look, might i recommend adding one more item of clothing. I am all for having positive body image- but there is a decency line that is getting crossed-I don't know if it is just me but lately- seriously i think people need to cover up a little more. I mean when you walk past people have to avert your eyes, because you feel so awkward for them- so my words of summer wisdom--i think it is time to cover a little more strategically.

other thoughts- amusement parks are exhausting, really i am not an all day go till you drop gal- a few hours and i am done- especially when it is hot and muggy and you are toting 2 little boys. there is something to about the pure sensory overload of it all-- things spinning wildly, flashing before you, dramatic performers and characters crossing your personal space boundaries, the assaulting smells, grease, sugar, BO, cacophonous sounds - and yet we return every year for a memorable family company outing in new hampshire- summer wouldn't be the same without it

"deep (berry) thoughts"

one of my favorite "deep thoughts" by jack handey (of early 90's SNL fame) was

When you die, if you get a choice between pie heaven and regular heaven... you should choose pie heaven. It might be a trick, but if not mmmm...boy!

The same though might be applied to berries- as much as I hope to get to heaven- berry heaven might be a tempting second choice.

This week blueberries and raspberries started and they were divine.A plentiful supply of giant, flavor bursting fresh berries awaited us at our favorite local farm where we go and pick. Smart baby has ingested so many berries i am expecting him to go all willy wonkaesque giant blueberry on me at any moment (see him leering a the luscious berries)

As well as freezing many pounds to serve my daily smoothie needs- I made my favorite blueberry lemon torte-a delish breakfast- it tastes all the better when you haven't eaten breakfast for 3 days because you have been wildly busy!

brain exercise

smart mama has been doing some serious brain exercise the last two days. you know how stiff you are after not working out for a while- well i can say the same thing applies to heavy duty learning-I used to read hundreds o pages of research a week and now slogging through a paper at a mere 30 pages (although i must say some was quite intense) was mentally exhausting.

Every 5 years i have to recertify as a child life specialist- with load of hours of professional development. So smart nanay (my mom) was kind enough to come up and enjoy some quality time with her smart grandboys so i can get part of my requirements. So in 2 days i delved into 20 hours of hard core learning... And in case you are feeling academic today- here are little blurbs of my classes...

Counseling Children using Cognitive Behavior Therapy (using developmental theories)
CBT is a great approach which changes "errors" in thinking that lead to negative emotions and behavior, i love developmental theory and it was fun to apply it in a therapeutic modality. It focused on using freud, piaget, erikson, havinghurst, and Lazarus Basic ID to tailor CBT to children. This was probably my favorite and definitely the most brain stretching.

The Spiritual Needs of Ill Children
Great discussion on our avoidance of talking to children in general about life and death. Our fears to discuss these things because of not wanting to intrude on peoples religious beliefs. Reaffirmed our need to be open to children especially those at end of life and allow them a voice in decision making and find peace through questions and discussion.

The Impact of Social Support on Health Status
This is something we take for granted but people need support in different ways and it varies by the personality, diagnosis, etc. It was a great at defining different modalities of support.

Coping Strategies for the Depressed Medically Ill
My MS thesis was on stress and coping- so i was cozying up again to the works of Lazarus. And as much as most people don't think about coping and stress in a day- i am so conditioned to break down my emotional responses to what the stressors is and then brainstorm strategies to alleviate it. One day i will write a great post on "coping" because really i think it is an amazing life skill to acquire (to be honest your coping skills will kind of make or break you and most people are automatic in their coping responses which are generally acquired in their family of origin) and one you can use to help children, friends, family members.

Understanding Grief: A Journey Towards Healing
This was also really great- kind of a twist on the generally accepted Kubler-Ross theory- but using new language that more appropriately frames the experience- like instead of acceptance, acknowledgement. Talking about death as death and our cultural avoidance of death. With my pregnancy loss work i have done a lot with grief work, and loss in general (with illness, infertility, expectations, not just death) Another great post for some day- dealing with grief and loss- (we'll call it the smart mama self help series when i will impart my wisdom to you blog readers at no extra charge!)

Childhood Depression and Anxiety
A discussion of temperamental influences in making children at risk for anxiety, depression and some mediating factors. The comorbity of the dx of depression and anxiety.

It has reminded me how much i miss school, love learning, and will i undoubtedly return to academia at some point and eventually get a PhD, that is when I think i handle a dissertation (the true evil). I can handle classes anyday! But i need to pass to forget the evil or writing a thesis (although i think that fact that my mother wrote her master thesis while pregnant with me- cause so very negative in- utero research vibes)

Still at the end of the day a good brain work out feels great!!

maybe we should get more life insurance

Every time smart daddy-o goes away on business - I realize I could never survive on my own, not with 2 little kids, seriously i don't knwo how people do it. The other day as I swept the crumbs off the kitchen floor for the millionth odd time my deep thought was--

Maybe we should get more life insurance because in the event of a tragedy a top notch cleaning lady or very skilled domestic housekeeper would definitely be a top priority-

I truely hope nothing every happens to smart daddy-o A. because i love him and b. because i don't have any replacements lined up

(yes you moms of many are probably laughing because i only have 2 kids) Oh the random thoughts that pop into my head in a day...

"kum-buy-ah"

10 Lessons from my Vermont camping trip- (okay i was desperate for song lyrics re/camping- no one actually sang kumbuyah on the trip though)

1. Hanover, NH has no fast food restaurants- yes those poor Dartmouth students- a college town with no fast food can you believe it? (this when I was in desperate need a McDonald's ice cream)

2. Moms rarely to play sports, really it is rare for women to play sports once they are moms (the guys always play- the girls never do)- I have some great grass stains to show for my mean (okay make that very marginal) volleyball playing with the boys- really it felt great to play- it made me realize how much I miss really using my body.(thanks to smart nanay, my mom, who occupied my kids during said games)

3. Smart son has no fear of slide and sludge- and waded through a very nasty pond (complete with leeches and slimy seaweed) to catch frogs, salamanders, newts. He can swim adeptly in murky water with no flotation devices while holding a large semi-conscious frog.

4. I love hanging out with friends- there is something to slowing it down, being outside, sitting around a fire chatting (and of course eating- and the food always tastes better outside).

5. Smart baby is already a connoisseur of Ben and Jerry's and began loudly protesting when his sample was finished. (yes got to love the factory tour)

6. Summer Camp is cool - yes we stopped by Camp Lochearn (where my mom taught sailing almost 40 yrs ago) And if I had $8000 to spend for 8 weeks - I'd love to send a daughter there (first I need a daughter then I need a spare 8K- but so fun!!)

7. Vermont is gorgeous, very sparsely populated, and filled with unpaved windy roads named things like skunk hollow (a land in which mapquest is not to be trusted).

8. Camping does not equal sleep (as many of us crazy moms with little kids lamented)

9. I look a little scary with 3 days and no shower.

10. Family trips are always memorable!

"people will see me and cry...FAME!"

Just when I thought it was safe to take off for a camping trip in Vermont... I was called up to recieve one of the great awards of the blog world- yes thats right i was the "Friday Flip-Up Blogger of the Week". Thanks Jd for your glowing review (amazing what people will do for $50!)

Here is my late acceptance speech- I'd like to thank my mom and dad (the lurkers) for making me smart, and smart daddy-o for paying the bills, shelah for introducing me to blogging, my smart boys for providing endless hours of blog content, all my "fans" - I love you guys!!

And hey JD- could i get a gold version for my mantle- I need something to show the neighbors...

And expect a full vermont report to follow...

"summer, summer, summertime"

well it's finally summer in new England- it has been slow coming this year...

I have blogged before about how life would be better if it were like a movie and someone cued music for you- perfect for the moments for your life like in movies how it fades in and out setting the tone for each setting... and I especially want this for summertime, because summer and music are inseparable

I was cranking some "summer music" today as I attempted to whip my life back into shape after my Texas trip, finish another painting, run errands, and pack for camping...

summer music isn't necessarily your standard fare- usually a little more groove, or things you might be embarrassed to admit you love, but it makes you think of staying up late, hanging out with friends, drive-ins, parties, going to the beach, drinking cool drinks, being outside, pools, hammocks, all that is good and American about summer.

so here are some takes from "smart mama's life soundtrack" summer reminiscences

stayin' alive- bee gees - playing at the park & gazebo the summer I finished high school
we trying to stay alive- wyclef jean- chaperoning many youth dances
stay- dave matthews- an essential summer song - moving to California
close to me- the cure- the summer after I graduated from college roadtrips
you surround me- erasure - going on walks on summer nights while visiting my grandparents in AZ when I was in highschool
rockin' me- steve miller- riding hot buses all over the egypt & israel on study abroad the the byu jerusalem center
feelin' good- michael buble- summer 06- smart son has the remote and knows how to repeat track

so here's wishing you some great summer music for all your summer trips, daydreaming, and activities- give me one of your favorites...

(oh and in honor of summer music take special note of my skill in choosing song title lyrics for all of this weeks posts)

"superman and green lantern ain't got nothing on me"

There is something when boys get together that superhero play begins- (smart son and shelah's kids had a great time with their super alter egos) Smart son wants no villians though- something that defeats the whole premise of the play.

Well smart son found these pictures of "superhero tricks" to be done with dad in a copy of Nick Jr. magazine- cut them out and brought them to use as instructional guides-- so here they are trying some of their favorite moves.

I have to say i am a sucker for the quintessential romance of superheros. Probably because I am always like the reserved, good guys.

In case you wanted to know...the perfect soundtrack for your at home superhero trick practice ...
The Spiderman theme-Michael Buble, Sunshine Superman-Donovan, Jimmy Olsen's Blues- Spin Doctors, Superman- REM, Superman- Five for fighting

"it'll all be alright, i'll be home tonight, i'm coming back home!"

I heard Michael Buble's "Home" 3 times on the way home from the airport- it was the perfect anthem for the final 45 min car ride. After my very crazy trip going and coming home I was ready to take a fabulous hot shower and flop down on my bed.
There is nothing quite like setting foot on home soil after a long solo parenting trip--Just getting in your home state brings a rush. You feel like effusively kissing the parking valet who has loaded your suitcases into your car and turned on you a/c, The schlepping and wrangling is almost over. No more trudging long distances wearing a carseat as a backpack, your clothes covered in who knows what, pushing a stroller, balancing bags, shelling out snacks, corralling a busy 5 yr old. No more trips through airport security, solo parent 24 hrs a day, Herculean feats like occupying a 13 mo old on a plane for 6 hrs.

As much as i love to travel- there is nothing like the relaxation of getting home after a trip.
As you know shelah is a fabulous friend to let us descend upon her en mass for days-- displacing children from their routines, beds, territory and sense of normalcy. It was such a great trip as you know from our eats.

Our group photo- 5 kids-2 moms -hot day at the zoo and camera on auto timer

smart baby chillin' on the plane (no he wasn't this happy the whole time)

Shelah and Annie on our quick trip south of the border (okay not really- it was just the Mexican village area at the children's museum although i have to say at a few points in the trip Shelah and i contemplated ditching the kiddos and taking off for Mexico ourselves)

smart son and isaac hitting the slip and slide.

Thanks shelah for a great trip- we can't wait to come back... but don't worry we'll give you a breather...

oh so to tell you how tired i was last night i heard smart baby crying and leapt out of bed (so as to get him before he woke anyone) and ran into a wall (it took me a minute to remember what house i was in and where the door was) I got smart baby and suddenly realized what am i doing? smart daddy-o always gets him in the night (even smart daddy-o said- what were you doing last night??) better than abou t year ago when i came back from a trip-I was so asleep I heard crying in the night and asked smart daddy-o in the pitch black "where am i?", "who are you?" (the second questions was the hilarious one- and luckily i don't have a suspicious husband)

oh-- and a note on the travel front- smart mama is one busy chick this summer- galavanting off to various destinations for the greater part of the summer- so really as much i will try to keep posting and commenting- i may be scarce-so no, its not because you offended me but because my internet connection won't be following me...

my food indulgences...

Suffice it so say that Shelah and I have a long history of "food snobbery" together. In college we would buy lindt truffles to eat at international cinema, made weekly menus preparing authentic Italian pastas (although provo grocery stores are no mecca for the gourmand), and ditch our honors humanities class to eat lunch at the art museum cafe (we justified it by discussing our humanities while we were there)- all this while students around us subsisted on rice, ramen, and cereal. One of our great traditions is getting together and enjoying truly great food (we would probably make great Europeans)- and this trip (despite the 5 kid menagerie that surrounded us) we managed some fabulous eats... (oh and central market is a grocery store to die for!!!)

we polished off a few great bottles of Italian soda (which seem to make the summer heat more bearable), some killer gelato, a central market chicken salad sandwich on ciabatta (that was pure heaven), pots de creme and chocolate mousse cake, fabulous grilled chicken smothered in pesto, good crusty bakery bread, some lindt truffle bar, yummy sesame chicken, blueberry cake, creme brulee, real mexican food, and 2 runs to sonic- we appreciate even the best of the low brow food- i am a total sucker for limeade)

don't you wish you'd come to texas (okay maybe not on my flights)

change that positive affirmation to "you will get home"

yes- i should be home now- but alas i am still in texas- yes once again i arrived at the airport (hung out there for 3 hrs)- and this time due to weather in new orleans (delaying my TX to chicago portion of the trip) i was sent back and told to return for an early morning flight tomorrow- only this time they couldn't give me back my bag- and so i am crashing at shelahs's until the wee hours when we again attempt to fly the friendly skies home. It seems sort of too crazy for words- in my many years of flying and trips i have never had this happen once- let alone 2x and on a single trip- what are the odds of that??? i think this is a true test of my solo extreme parenting skills again.