saturday thoughts- why i am not a doctor

Today was a divide and conquer saturday- smart daddy-o took smart son to Y for swim and gym and I took smart baby to Boston for a quick pop in at a vascular malformations clinic to take a quick peek at a mysterious blue spot on his back (which thanks to an ultrasound which provided a clear diagnosis a fairly superficial venous malformation with only low flow vessels). I knew almost all the clinic docs from my work with the vascular birthmarks foundation. As I walked through the halls of Mass General Hospital - it made me realize how much i miss being in a hospital-- it sounds crazy but when i step into a hospital, I just want to go read charts, journal articles, go on rounds, and visit patients. seriously- even cafeteria food and linen carts make me nostalgic. It makes me think back to my days as a child life specialist- the training at johns hopkins was second to none, I turned down an offer to stay on and do a special fellowship because i felt i needed to finish up my classes and see where things were going with smart daddy-o (we were dating at the time). It was a hard choice but the right one-- after all i have two cuties to show for it. I love being a child life specialist because I love coming up with things to help patients and families and tailoring it to a specific individuals diagnosis, procedures, and needs- and it is the closest I will ever get to being a doctor. I really would have loved to have been a doctor-- and I think i would have made an incredibly good one- but i also knew i wanted to be a mom-- and i knew they were two jobs i couldn't do at the same time and do well (insert irate comments from feminists to me here). Life is about choices- I am happy with mine- it doesn't mean we can't miss things though--Life is short and in the words of a song I used to sing as a child "there are pages you'll turn words, that you'll never know, things that you never will learn". There is a truth in that that has always made me life my life fully- knowing my time is short- To me life is liking getting lots of invitations to parties all on the same day and at the same time. You might make a few appearances, but ultimately you pick the one you want to be at most!

here are my smart boys riding around together on the plasma car during family clean- aren't they too cute- I wouldn't trade them for a white coat any day (okay make that most days!)smart son with his all purpose "super gadget" and smart baby with his pencil aka wanna be super gadget

50 things you might not know about me

50 Things you might not know about me-
I hate the ice cream truck music
My favorite food is pot roast
I bake (cookies/cakes/muffins) at least 3-4 times a week
I love foreign films
I used to play lacrosse and like sports with skirts
I get nostalgic for jr. high when I hear Milli Vanilli songs
I was in Math club
I was almost a cytogeneticist
I said I wouldn’t marry someone from UT- but then did
I have been to 47 states.
I love Moroccan and Turkish food
I always find good deals
I really like to help people
I always have creative projects going
I can talk to just about anyone- which is surprising because I was a very shy child.
When I taught at the college/university level most of my students were older than me.
I hate drying my hair
I really like HOT baths
I hate to get water in my eyes even in the shower
I love going to school
I had a fabulous collection of leisure suits and 60’s clothes in high school (only for special outings)
I can play Latin scrabble
I get whiny when i am sick
I can’t stick to a rigid schedule- it stresses me out
I hate not wearing mascara because my eyelashes are blonde
I rarely just watch tv- I am always doing a project at the same time.
I keep these weird free form journal/sketchbooks where I record things from favorite quotes, to plans for parties, painting sketches, Christmas shopping lists.
I am kind of a flavor of the week girl- I love change
I get very attached to my friends, they affect me deeply
The only time I wear tennis shoes is when I exercise- I hate them any other time
I make great homemade whole wheat bread
I don’t get intimidated by anyone.
I have been pregnant 8x- miscarried all but my 2 boys
I love sour things
I fall asleep in movies 90% of the time
I can’t buy really expensive of extravagant things- it freaks me out
I have been to 13 countries but never to mexico.
I think watching local news is torture
I like marshmallows in cold chocolate milk
I sound like my mom on the phone
I have many many pairs of shoes
I love museums
I don’t like the way lotion feels
I do well in math but I can’t remember number sequences and only have 5 phone numbers memorized
I can hear really really high pitched frequencies that most people can’t like those emitted from TVs even when they are muted.
I like overcast days as much as sunny days.
Sometimes I forget how tall I am walk into things like branches
I was a totally easy obedient teenager
I hate looking at condiments (like puddles of ketchup on a plate)
My arm span is 4” longer than my height (yep you guess it I am really a monkey)

masculine/feminine

I took a doctoral level graduate class in relationship development and mate selection. I was the only girl in the class and one day that became glaringly apparent. As you know I don't shy away from sharing my opinions and engaging in academic debate. The topic of debate with my male classmates was about our cultural labelling of all personality traits as masculine and feminine. I attempted to say we create stereotypes that can be very negative/rigid when we do this. (i.e. men are supposed to be tough, not cry, fight, etc) Every attribute/personality characteristic is on a persecute with extreme opposites at both ends, but most people are in the middle. Labeling each end as masculine and feminine implies that it is the ideal for men or women. I do believe men and women have inherent differences but I don't think that justifies this division/labelling. This whole system of labeling is erroneous as there is as much variation in a given characteristic amongst men (some men are gentle/mellow while others are very aggressive/rough) as there is between a given man and a woman (aggressive woman and aggressive man). I asked them if I am aggressive/assertive does that make me less of a woman? the answer "No, it just means you are comfortable with your masculine side". Masculine side? You think that is a joking answer but it wasn't. I am a girl 100% and proud of it. I held my own that day but they still didn't get it.

I am a rough and tumble girl- just as much as i am a girly girl . I like to to get glammed up, and throw parties, I wear lipstick and dress in pink but, in 7th grade I was also the only girl who chose to play basketball with the boys while all the other girls stood around giggling and occasionally hitting a volleyball. My dad had to break it to me in 5th grade that no matter what i did I would never be a center in the NFL (I do hike a mean football) and my only outside chance at any football would be as a kicker. In college, Shelah and I spent some evenings playing rugby with the guys in the neighboring apartments and we were known for our true tenaciousness on the field. Boys do not intimidate me and I relate as well to men as I do to women. At church functions, I am always happier moving furniture instead of doing dishes. I wrestle and race my kids as much as any dad. As much as I love lounging at a nice hotel, I am one brave traveller who has slept, eaten and spent my days in some very hard, dirty places. But all of these things make me a great woman not a woman comfortable with her "masculine side".

just some thoughts today on how silly our culture is sometimes.