Bread: the mark of a mother

To me making bread is a hallmark of motherhood-- all truly great moms make bread. Nothing brings comfort to a home like the smell and the taste of warm freshly baked bread. And not just the throw in the bread machine kind but real by- hand- from- scratch, bread. I grind my wheat, I grind my oats, I take off my wedding rings and knead it by hand. I use the same kind of mixer the women in my family have used to make bread for 4 generations. I like making bread because it is a tradition that transcends time and cultures- all around the world for thousands of years women have made bread for their families. In times of sorrow and celebration, in times of sickness and health. It is what sustains people in the most meager times. In my book, Bread is personal, bread is sincere, bread is intimate. It is reserved for special people. People who care for me, people who serve me, people I love, people I want to comfort. Quite honestly I will make cookies for anyone, but not bread.

All the great bread making women I know have "their bread recipe"- not one from a cookbook. finding your recipe is a sort of motherhood rite of passage. I started with one recipe. It evolved to the point that it no longer resembles the original recipe and I call it my own.

I became a true bread maker during one of the most challenging seasons of my life- the 3 yr span in between my first two boys when I had 7 miscarriages. I think I made bread to comfort, to care, for myself during a very lonely time. I often made my bread for my doctors, who saw more times than either of us can possible count. All of us struggling to figure out why at three months, after weeks of perfect normalcy, the ultrasound screen would yield only deafening silence and stillness. The whole sequence played over and over again like a video loop. Probably in some deep subconscious way, by giving this personal feeble offering, I was trying to bargain with God to show my sincerity, my deservingness as a mother. That somehow that in these acts of giving I might receive that one thing I was desperate for. Just as the recipe changed and no longer resembles its original, those years profoundly changed me, I lost the blissful ignorance, innocence of motherhood and childbearing and came through the other side as a stronger woman with the deepest love a mother forged in fire and tears.

So my bread comes with history, a very personal history, which I probably why I share it guardedly. As much as I hate the crumbs on the counter, few things make me feel more like a great mother than to hear my children cheer when I tell them I am making "my" bread. So if you haven't become a bread maker yet, I will offer you my recipe as a stepping stone to create your very own signature homemade bread.

Leslie's Homemade Bread
3 c. hot water
1Tbsp. salt
1/4 c. oil
1 c. brown sugar
8-9 cups flour (4 c. wheat (red and white wheat combo), 2 better for bread, 2 c. oats)
2 Tbsp. yeast
1 tbsp. vital wheat gluten
1 egg

Procedure
stir water, salt, oil and br sugar together. add 4 cups wheat flour, yeast and egg. beat 4-5 minutes . add 2 cups oat flour (take oats pulverize in blender to make oat flour). mix well- add remaining bfb flour and gluten. knead 10 minutes. place in grease bowl and cover with towel - let rise in warm spot until dbl. punch down divide into three loaves, roll out and form loaves. Let rise again until dbl in pans. bake 35 mins at 325.